LETTER TO MY INNER CHILD
I wrote this when I came home from the Recovery Recharge Retreat in Tennesse, this retreat was powerful!! It has helped me take my recovery to the next level. It is very exhausting, and alot of different emotions come up. It has unburied alot I swept under the rug. The fact is sometimes its harder to keep things hidden instead of addressing it head on. This is the first time I have written to my inner child, and not have it be just a bunch of words...
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, A BEAUTIFUL PRINCESS. YOU DIDN'T DESERVE TO GO THROUGH THIS MUCH PAIN-- ESPECIALLY ALONE.
THE TORTURE YOU ENDURED AND SURVIVED; IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT--- YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL. DON'T HANG YOUR HEAD, OR HIDE YOUR FACEFROM THIS WORLD ANYMORE. I AM SO SORRY I HURT YOU BY LETTING OUT OUR SECRET--LETTING IT BE KNOWN; BUT FELT IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. WE NEED TO HEAL OUR DEEP WOUNDS THAT STILL CAUSE A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN. HOLDING ONTO OUR SECRET WILL PROLONG OUR SUFFERING, ONLY TO CAUSE MORE PAIN. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE WILL BE ABLE TO CHANGE INTO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLY, SPREAD OUR WINGS, AND FLY. THE ONLY WAY WE CAN FLY IS TO DO THIS TOGETHER; WE AREN'T ALONE, AND DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE. GOD IS HERE WITH OPEN ARMS TO HEAL OUR DEEPEST WOUNDS, GIVE US STRENGTH, DIRECT OUR PATHS. WE NEED TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY, AS GOD LOVES US. I AM SO SORRY FOR LEAVING YOU ALL ALONE; LOCKED UP IN A COLD, DARK,AND DIRTY PIT; IGNORING ALL YOUR CRIES OF DESPARATION FOR SOMEONE, ANYONE TO RESCUE, PROTECT, AND LOVE YOU. NO, NOT EVEN ME; ANGER GOT AHOLD OF ME AND FEAR OF FEELING KEPT ME IN A NEVER ENDING WHIRLWIND. I LOST ALL SENSE OF DIRECTION BY DOING IT ON MY OWN, INSTEAD OF LOOKING UP TO GOD; CRYING OUT TO HIM; FOR HE'S THE GIVER OF PERFECT PEACE, THE MENDER OF BROKEN HEARTS. HE WILL CARRY US WHEN WE CAN'T TAKE ANOTHER STEP. I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT ACCEPTING YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE; SO SORRY FOR ADDING MORE PAIN, OUT OF SELFISHNESS. I AM HERE WITH YOU NOW ; NEVER AGAIN WILL I LEAVE YOU!!! I AM HOPING THAT YOU CAN FIND WITHIN YOURSELF TO FORGIVE ME (IF YOU CAN'T I CERTAINLY UNDERSTAND WHY). I KNOW DEEP DOWN LITTLE PRINCESS--THAT YOU ARE-- YOUR KIND HEART FEELS THE LOVE I SEND YOU TODAY, (SORRY IT'S TAKEN ME THIS LONG) YOU KNOW I AM HERE, NEVER AGAIN WILL I LEAVE YOU. LET'S FIND OUR WINGS AND FLY AWAY FROM THIS I LEFT YOU YEARS AGO. WE DON'T DESERVE TO STAY TRAPPED IN THIS AWFUL PIT. COME OUT INTO THE DAYLIGHT-- BREATHE IN THE FRESH AIR.
THE ONES WHO HAVE HURT US-- BELONG SITTING IN THIS DIRTY PIT-- NOT US!!! WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO HAVE TO BE ASHAMED. WE DID NOTHING WRONG-- WE NOT TO BLAME. WE DON'T HAVE TO CARRY THIS HEAVY BURDEN OF SHAME ONE MORE STEP. SO FLY, FLY HIGH INTO NEW LIFE, TRUE LIFE. HOLD MY HAND WE ARE GOING HOME, AND LET GOD HEAL ALL THE SCARS THAT HAVE BEEN OOZING FOR YEARS. LET OUR HEALING JOURNEY BEGIN.....